Silence That Burns

the silence that burns in these veins-

I can’t help but think  if you only knew all that I have seen
you would be sick to the stomach,
It feels as though I am tainted
and you are so pure and so unbroken.
I assure you friend one day you will see
the world for all that it holds
and your ideals will crumble like that wall.
Tainted black and blue,
it’s imprinted on me with invisible ink
and I don’t think your eyes can see it, for it is inside of me.
And I feel so dirty, so used and worn.
Compared to someone who has never felt their heat break
and never cried in the name of love.
I feel old, wrinkled inside and out.
SO I keep my mouth shut, zippered closed
and I watch and listen as you ignore the reality of it.
I think that I could pretend for awhile to be that innocent one….
But ignorance is not something that I take fondly to.

And I wonder where you get your ideas from,
so humorous until the tables turn.
And I wonder where you find the audacity
to question me wanting to leave my house
and I think to myself that maybe this isn’t going to be
for I could not be one to turn your mind on to a different point of view
and I don’t want to be the one to open your eyes to the cruel.
I laugh out loud whenever I am at the point of tears,
some kind of habit I have picked up over the years….
Tonight I laugh because of you
and how you seem to think this world is good.
I laugh because you know nothing of it, of me,
and yet I also laugh because I want you to be a part of it with me.